Ties Together
by estrella424
Summary: somethings happened to Faye, and it involves Spike...eventually SxF
1. Past Recurrences

I don't own Cowboy Bebop or any part of it…Please don't sue me, all I own is my school books, and even those don't belong to me, I have to give them back at the end of the year! Please review, this is my first cowboy bebop fic…hope you enjoy

**__**

Ties Together

Session 1~Past Recurrences

Lucky Star

"back to you  
it always comes around  
back to you  
I tried to forget you  
I tried to stay away  
but it's too late…"  
~John Mayor

"Spike, can you come pick me?" Spike turned to the vid phone and saw an image of Faye's bare toes.

"What do you mean pick you up? Where's your Redtail?"

"I don't know Spike."

"That isn't an acceptable answer Faye, Jet just spend the last of our cash fixing that heap of junk and now your saying you don't know where it is."

"Listen Spike, I don't know where my ship is, I don't know where I am, I don't know anything. I just need you to come pick me up," the camera turned from her feet to her face revealing Faye's large black eye, "now are you coming or not?" He could see a tear run down her face and drip off her chin.

"Yeah, I'll get the coordinates from Ed. I'll be there as soon as possible," he said as Faye shut off the communicator.

~

"What the hell happened Faye?" Jet asked rather calmly as he put gauze on her multiple cuts and wrapped both her sprained ankle and broken wrist.

Faye had been gone for five days, leaving in anger.

"I told you, I ran into a debt collector. He said he had come by a few times and now it was my turn to pay the consequences," she shut her eyes tight as Jet put anti-bacterial on her cuts.

Spike stood at the edge of the room, Faye's back to him and Jet's eyes glancing up at him now and then.

"Was it that short fat guy that came by the day before you left?" Spike asked half-heartedly.

"Yeah, but this time he had five guys with him. I think they work with the syndicate too," she paused Jet and Spike didn't know that it had been the syndicate who had been looking for her before.

"The syndicate? You never said that you owed money to a syndicate. Which one is it?" Jet asked almost protectively, she might have thought he cared if she didn't know better.

"I don't know what the name of the syndicate was," she looked up at Spike, "now can we forget about this?"

Jet sighed, "Now are you hurt anywhere else?" Faye shook her head. Spike leaned to the side a little and saw the end of a deep cut running down Faye's back. He didn't say anything; it wasn't his business whether or not she told Jet.

"I am sick and tired of getting the fifth degree," she stopped a moment wondering what the hell that expression meant and then continued, "I am going to take the long hot shower I deserve so leave me alone," she said as she limped away.

Jet waited till Faye was in the bathroom with the water running before he talked to Spike.

"We got to go after them. This isn't right," Jet said, not completely sure of himself.

Spike looked at the ground and then up at Jet, "It's her fault anyway. I mean that's what happens when you get involved with the syndicate, especially when you owe them money. She must owe them almost because, usually they just kill you," he lit up the cig that balanced on his lips and then continued, "Why do you care so much anyway. Not like it matters to us."

"Spike, no one deserves to be treated that way. Not even Faye. She probably won't tell us half the things they did to her. Think about it Spike," he said the last part as he walked to his room and shut the door.

Spike sat down on the yellow couch remembering the long cut running down Faye's back. He leaned his head back and sighed, he was so fucking confused.


	2. Not My Fault

Thanks to anyone who gave me a review, it really motivated me to write the next chap…sorry for the long wait, I had to figure out the basic plot of the story before I could continue, this is also all kind of new for me b/c most of the other fan fiction I've written has been on paper then onto the comp so please bear with me for the wait…thanks again and as always enjoy…

**__**

Ties Together

Session 2~Not My Fault

Lucky Star

"buried deep as you can dig inside yourself,   
and hidden in the public eye.   
such a stellar monument to loneliness.   
laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes   
and perfect makeup but you're barely scraping by,"  
~Dashboard Confessional

The door to Faye's room creaked open as Spike peered in. He didn't know why he was doing it; just something inside wanted to make sure she was all right. He couldn't see in the darkness so he moved in further and in the pale light of space he saw Faye sitting on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head resting on them. He couldn't see her face and wondered if she had been crying. He looked at her for a minute and tried to find words but there weren't any so he turned around to leave but Faye's voice stopped him.

"Its not my fault. I never asked for this Spike. I just got it," the words she spoke slurred a little and Spike knew what had happened to the case of beer in the fridge.

"Faye, I don't want to have this discussion right now. You're obviously tired and need your rest."

"I didn't have a choice Spike," her voice much stronger now

"Don't give me that Faye, everyone has a choice when they go into a syndicate, that's the only way you get in, by choice. No one is forced into the syndicate."

"I was, I didn't have a choice," she looked up at Spike, the tearstains visible now.

"Stop it Faye, I don't want to hear it," he stepped closer to the door.

"Turns out the lab that unfroze me, Spike, was run by the syndicate. I don't know what interest the syndicate would have with a cryogenic freezing lab but they did. I ran and tried to live a normal life, but they caught me. It didn't take 'em long to figure out I had a way with cards. They sent me to different casinos run by rival syndicates and I played cards, and won. I cheated of course but I won none the less. Did you really think that I could lose that much money when they call me Poker Alice," she laughed, but it was dry and short showing just how much she had drunk.

"Faye, you can't expect me to believe that," he leaned against the wall by the door and then continued, "Why didn't you just take the money and run? I mean I've seen you do it before. Don't tell me that you couldn't find a way out."

"I didn't want out. He had something I wanted, I needed. He knew about my past. He even had pictures of my family. Everything and anything I wanted. As long as I did what he and the syndicate wanted I would get everything on my past." she leaned her head back, her eyes open and looking at the ugly blue color of the ceiling.

He looked at her, maybe she was telling the truth.

"Why didn't you get your past?"

"Its really quite funny, I did everything he wanted and all I got was slapped around and left on the street when I got caught. He didn't give me anything on my past and he left all the debts on me. I never saw a penny of the money I stole and now I get what I deserve. I wish I had used some of that money. At least then I wouldn't feel so crappy about having debt collectors after me."

She could feel his eyes move her to the floor and then back up.

"Who was it Faye?" It all seemed so real yet he found it hard to grasp that all this had happened to her. If he knew a name he could really believe her. In the syndicate your word was all you had, there were very few people in syndicates who didn't keep their word, if he knew name it would be more real.

"That's my secret, Spike. My secret," she got up, her legs shaking beneath her and lied down on top of her bed, "sweet dreams Spike, sweet dreams."

He stood there for a moment, trying to take in all he had learned and then turned and walked out. He was even more confused than before.


	3. Honostly OK

**__**

Ties Together

Session 3~Honostly OK

Lucky Star

Her eyes opened and her back ached. She went to stand up from her bed when she realized she wasn't in her room, or on the couch in front of the TV. Her hands were tied with rope in front of her and the same with her legs. She stood up and saw something move from the corner of her eye. Her eyes quickly scanned the room for movement, there was none. She relaxed and began to work on the knots which kept her hands bound. Someone grabbed her, their rough voice yelling words she couldn't understand as her head began to pound.

"Trying to get away, how cute. Didn't anyone tell you Ms. Valentine, the only way out of here is when I say, and I haven't had any fun yet. Not even a little."

She struggled but he was broader and stronger than her, easily taking her down, the whole time laughing. He reached from behind her and took her wrist and swiftly cracked it, ensuring that Faye couldn't escape.

"I told you to do what I say, but you didn't listen, and now you pay the price."

She fell to the floor, the pain from her wrist unbearable. She slowly drifted off into unconsciousness but not fast enough to forget his rough hands scaling the length of her body.

She awoke covered in sweat, grasping the thin blanket covering her body.

'It was a dream. Only a dream,' her body told her but she knew better, dreams are things that aren't real. That was a flashback of things that had happened. She pulled her knees up as her face was covered with tears. How dare he make her feel this. She swore to herself that she would never let him hurt her again but here she was, crying because of him. She lay back down, closing her eyes, making a small prayer for happier dreams.

~

__

I just want to feel safe in my own skin,  
I just want to be happy again  
I just want to feel deep in my own world  
But I'm so lonely   
I don't even want to be with myself anymore  
On a different day,   
if I was safe in my own skin,   
then I wouldn't feel lost and  
so frightened  
But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin   
And I'm so lonely   
I don't even want to be with myself anymore  
I just want to feel safe in my own skin,  
I just want to be happy again.

~

Sleep hadn't returned that night, or the night after, or the night after that. There were moments, though, when it did creep up on her, for only a minute, but even those few seconds when she did fall asleep, all she saw was him. There was no comfort in this sleep; it only made her feel more exhausted. Exhaustion was visible on her face, but no one had noticed yet.

She stood now in front of the mirror, the thin towel covering her body now on the floor. Her eyes scanned her thin frame; most of the bruises that covered her body once had disappeared. The black eye she thought would forever be with her was almost gone. The scars also began to dissolve into her skin, leaving her with no physical evidence of her encounter. She turned around and craned her neck; the long cut which ran along her back still present. He knew that the bruises would fade and the little scars could be healed with lotion and time. The cut on her back was made to last forever, to never let her forget how easily he could win, and how easily he had. She didn't even realize that tears had begun to flow from her emerald eyes.

She jumped as the bathroom door began to shake and Spike began yelling. She quickly wiped her tears and put on a pair of denim shorts, her scars had healed enough so they weren't visible if she wore shorts. Her tank top covered the cut on her back, her only vulnerable spot left.

She opened the bathroom door to find Spike blocking the entire frame. Her mind told her to stop but her body didn't listen as she collided into Spike softly. He looked down at her, their lips a few seconds away from one another. She quickly pulled back and broke his gaze. He did that now, looked at her as though he saw more than what she was. She knew Spike had come to her room the day after it had happened. She couldn't remember the words she spoke, but she knew it was something important because now Spike looked at her as though he could see her soul.

"Did you save any hot water for me?" his lips curved into his trademark smile and her knees felt weak.

"You're going to have to see for yourself," her voice wasn't as smooth as she wanted as she felt her cheeks begin to blush. She pushed him slightly and went to her room. He confused her, one minute there the next gone. It was hard to explain. When his mind wandered to Julia he left her, and his eyes became stone. He confused her more than anyone had ever before. Sometimes it was clear as day what he was thinking, other times impossible. When he thought of the past she couldn't reach him.

She looked around the bear room she had come to call home and went to her bed, lifting the mattress slightly she took the blurred picture of her family. There was a man, a woman, a little girl, and a little boy standing next to the girl. She couldn't see faces except that the girl, boy, and man had deep violet hair. She didn't even know if the picture was real or not, but it was all she had. That and the few meager possessions she carried with her and now ornamented around the dull room. In a way she too became like Spike when thinking of her past, lost. But she was lost in a different way. But even then, they were both still lost in their past.

~song credit to Dido


	4. I Don't Know You Anymore

**__**

Ties Together

Session 4~I Don't Know You Anymore

Lucky Star

__

"I don't recognize this place  
the picture frames have changed and so has your name  
we don't talk much anymore  
we keep running from the pain"  
Savage Garden

He stood at the corner of the room, she sat there, her head resting gently on her knee. She looked so calm, so peaceful.

She had been gone for five days. It didn't seem like a lot but to her it must have been an eternity. He could see the long cut on her back. He knew she tried hard to cover it up but who ever had given it to her had made sure people would be able to see it. It was like marking her to tell others she was claimed, like an object. It pained him to know that there was someone out there that heartless and she wouldn't tell him who it was. She wouldn't let him help.

She looked like the same Faye from his stance at the door but she wasn't the Faye Valentine she had always been. Something inside had changed; her big green eyes didn't twinkle and her smile was never as bright.

She wore sweats and jeans for the first week, until the bruises faded. Now she sat in shorts that went to her mid-thighs and a tank with thick shoulder straps that were trying to cover the scar along her back. She dressed the same and tried to act carefree but things were different. She never mentioned him, or what had happened after that night but he could see it, even if she tried to cover it up. He had hurt her bad. She didn't stand with the same confidence. She still walked her walk, swaying her hips and showing off her long lean legs but there was an insecurity that followed her. Sometimes he would come up behind her; she would look at him for a minute, his face not registering. There was a fear in her eyes that scared him, Julia had that fear in her eyes.

It had been almost a month and all she did was sit in her room, emerging for a bath or food and in the late hours of the night she sat infront of the TV. She hadn't been on a single bounty since she returned. There was an unspoken phobia of going out into the world that was taking hold of her. Jet didn't say anything, he knew she would go when she was ready. Jet didn't say much of anything to her, just letting her slowly die in her turbulent world. Spike tried to help, but she just left, taking refuge in her room each time.

He watched her eyelids slowly flutter and then land gently on her cheeks. She rested for a moment and then opened her eyes. She didn't sleep, or at least she didn't want to sleep.

He came up swiftly and sat down next to her. Her green eyes looked at him for a second with a lost expression, and then returned to being blank and staring at the TV screen. He missed the glimmer of hope, in her eyes, that was now gone. He gently turned her face to look into her eyes. He caught a glimpse of what was inside before she turned her head away. There was sadness threatening to take her down and leave nothing behind. She slipped the remote from her hand into his lap and went to her room, like every other night that week. He never thought he'd say it, but he missed the old Faye. Maybe that old saying was true; 'you never know what you have till it's gone,' and Faye was definitely gone…

sorry for it being so short…it was a transition chapter….getting to the plot…keep reviewing and thanks to all my readers (I swear the next one will be longer!! I promise!)


	5. I'll Always Be Right There

Ties Together

Session 5~I'll Always Be Right There

Lucky Star

Her leg swiftly kicked the punching bag and a trickle of sweat ran down the side of her face. Her short violet hair was long enough for a ponytail but a few strands escaped and framed her heart face.

Each kick hurt her sore legs and her ankle began to throb but she knew she had to build up her strength, who knew when he would be back.

When she worked out her mind and body would be at ease but lately nothing let her rest. Something was always there for her to think about. She had had another encounter with Spike, this time they had come close to kissing before she pulled away. She couldn't read his expression, whether he was disappointed or thankful. Even if he did kiss her he was always thinking of her, wasn't he? She would never even compare to Julia's shadow, right? She had never been so confused in her life. Everything had been black or white nothing in-between. Spike was gray, the middle area she didn't know what to do with.

Her life had been turned upside down, everything was gray now. Everyone walked around her like they were walking on eggshells. Ed had disappeared into the shadows of the ship, coming out for meals. She didn't call her Faye-Faye either. But then again she rarely said anything to her anymore. When she came back she spent her time lying on the couch watching mindless dribble from the TV. Ed sat there, never saying a thing just glancing from the TV to her and back. Ed asked her once what had happened, late at night when everyone was asleep, she couldn't help the tears and that scared Ed. She had never seen Faye-Faye cry. She tried to talk to her later but she was always busy with tomato. Jet was the same but she understood that Jet just wanted to give her room. He never handled tears well. He asked her to come on a bounty with him and Spike, and instead of just saying no she yelled. She didn't even remember what she said just that she yelled and then ran off to her room. That probably drove him away more than anything did. He reached out to her and she totally shut down on him putting up a shield.

She sighed and kicked the bag hard, this workout wasn't clearing her mind, it was only making things more complicated.

"Why don't you spar with me? That's a real workout."

She looked to the door and found Spike standing in the frame-wearing nothing but his sweat pants. His bare chest moved up and down rhymically and enticed Faye. She closed her eyes trying to catch her breath before replying to his proposition. It was almost as though he was purposely tempting her, being every where she was. What normal person was awake at 2:30 in the morning? But then again Spike was anything but normal. She looked up and smirked pushing the thoughts aside, this would take all her strength and concentration.

"If you think you can handle me," she smiled as he fumbled with her response. It obviously wasn't what he had expected but he quickly composed himself and took his position.

"First one on the mat loses."

She threw a few kicks, all of which he blocked. He swung his fists, all of which she blocked. She threw a right and nailed him, she had the first hit of the night. He quickly recovered taking a few more jabs at her, all of which missed. He smiled and his long legs tripped her so she fell onto the mat. His grin became wider as he watched Faye lie on the mat when all of a sudden her foot swept up and knocked him down too. He tumbled gently and he landed on Faye.

Both of them were breathing hard and Spike dipped his head to look into her eyes.

"That was below the belt Spike, I win," she broke the stare and tried to escape his arms that wrapped around her.

"We never set up any rules. So, I win." He looked at her for a few minutes and then slowly went to kiss her.

She felt his lips come close to hers, a sort of anxiousness and fear filled her. His lips landed on hers and her mind began to race, why was he kissing her? He had never shown any attraction to her before, why now? She wish she could have read his mind at that moment, she would have died to know if it was her he was kissing or if it was some long gone memory. She ignored the thought and concentrated on the feeling and tried to shut down her mind, as the kiss grew more passionate.

She wanted to forget about what had happened to her but it was all that came to mind. This is what exactly what he wanted. She tried to concentrate on Spike but his words came back, 'Give Spike my regards. I know you see a lot of him.' That man thought they were sleeping together. It made sense now why he was so upset. She had spent a whole year running from him but now he thought he was losing his possession, a piece of property or something. She broke the kiss and quickly got on her feet leaving Spike stunned.

"This isn't right, Spike. You've never done anything like this before. And I don't want something like this, something fast and easy. I can't handle this right now," she wiped her brow and left the room.

He looked up to see her leave the frame of the door, and he quickly called to her but she kept walking.

~

He opened the door without knocking to find Faye standing in the middle of the room with her back to the door, his suspicions had been correct, the cut on her back was bleeding.

"Spike, just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to anyone right…." He silenced her and slipped her shirt off. Her clear green eyes hazed as she searched in his mismatched ones for answers.

"Your bleeding," was all he said as he broke her gaze.

They stood there for a minute, Spike cleaning her wound. The silence felt like an eternity and then Spike spoke.

"You should have had Jet look at this when you came back. It's gotten pretty bad."

"Jet has done enough for me, I didn't want to trouble him anymore. I feel bad enough just sitting around the ship not doing anything. Especially after what I did that night. I'm just trying to fade into the wallpaper, Spike. And you keep stopping me from doing that."

"Fade into the wall paper? Faye, Jet wants you here. He understands that you just need time, he's not mad at you. Anyways, you've become part of the ship; it's hard to imagine the ship without you now. You're not some kind of burden on us."

"It's not nice to lie Spike. Since the day I got on this ship you've wanted me gone. Don't tell me all of a sudden you've fallen in love with me and you don't want me to go, I can't buy that crap."

They stood there again, the silencing filling the small room and choking Faye.

'What the hell was going on?' She thought. She had never imagined Spike would be one to tell her that her life meant something. She hated the way he felt about her. He didn't lover her. How could she have even thought Spike cared about her? Spike would never lover her. This was just pity. He felt sorry for her. 'Poor pathetic Faye.' She hated being pathetic yet she continually found herself in that fucking position. Spike broke the silence again, saving her from drowning her deranged thoughts.

"Why did he do this to you Faye," his voice was desperate, searching for something he could help her with. He felt useless; his words gave her no comfort just pushed her further away.

"I don't know," her answer short. Her reply to his question was simple but the truth was complex, Spike would never understand why. It was easier to pretend like she didn't know.

He turned her around and looked into her eyes, trying to find some answer other than what she had given.

A tear balanced on the corner of her eye but before it could go anywhere Spike wiped it away.

"I know your lying Faye. Why can't you just tell me who this son of a bitch is," there was anger in his voice but it didn't scare her. Spike wouldn't hurt her. No matter how bad she was hurt she would never fear Spike. She loved him.

"I can't Spike, so just let it go. Don't think about it. Just forget about it and me. Just try…" her voice trailed off and the tears she tried so hard to hold back finally came to the surface.

"I can't do that Faye. I care too much about you. I'm not the kind of person who can just let things like this go," he pulled her close and then continued, "I don't want you to cry because of him, Faye. Anyone who could do something like that doesn't deserve tears. You don't have to be scared Faye. I'm here," he pulled her away a little and looked into her eyes, "Faye, I care about you. When you were gone, I wondered where you were, who you were with. And then when you came back you were different. Not the same old Faye," he paused finding it hard to find words to what he was feeling, "I miss you. I mean I miss the way you were. It took me a while but I realized that I need you here. I don't know what's going on between us. I didn't plan it, it just happened. I think I'm falling for you. It's been so long I don't even remember…the only problem is that I still love Julia. I don't know what to do," she put her fingers up to his mouth to stop him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Just stay tonight, Spike. Have her tomorrow, just stay with me tonight," her voice was dry and scratchy and the tears she fought to hold back finally came out. She had been alone so long she needed someone tonight. Just someone to hold who cared for her because it felt like in the whole galaxy there was no one who did.

They lay down together, in each other's embrace. She listened to his heartbeat steady and then drifted off into sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~When you're all alone,  
and you need a light,  
someone to guide you through the night,  
just remember that I am here,  
to hold you close and dry your tears.  
~Oh-ooh  
~And just when you thought you were falling,  
but you know I'll always be right there.  
~When you're all alone,  
and you need a friend,  
someone to help you to the end,  
when you need someone to catch you when you fall,  
I'll be there through it all.  
~oh-oh  
~Cause just when you thought you were losing,  
but you know I'll always be right there.  
~And I'll be there through the good times,  
and the bad,  
and we'll be there for each other,  
cause you're the best friend I've ever had.  
~And just when you thought you were falling,  
but you know I'll always be right there.  
oh-oooh whenever you need me,  
I'll always be right there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~

"Wake up!" her head began to pound again and the cold hard floor was beneath her again. She didn't know what to do as she opened her groggy eyes. How long had it been? She didn't know, it felt like forever. It took her a minute to remember where she was and who was screaming at her.

She looked up into his cold eyes and they met for minute before he kicked her. His eyes were empty, no emotion, nothing. It scared her, when did he become so cold? Was it because of her?

"You tried to run again, didn't you? I thought I told you, you leave when I say. Do you understand?"

He lifted his heal and put it on her ankle, "No one leaves until I say. NO ONE!"

She had stopped feeling pain, there was only so much you could handle before their body shut down. All she felt now was his laughter. He laughed at her naked body and at her agony. Her clothes taken in a cruel joke and put away neatly.

"Let me go," the words barely came out of her dry throat. She couldn't remember the last time she had anything to eat or drink.

"Not until I have my fun," he laughed again and then continued, "You thought you could leave me. No one leaves me, I thought you were smart enough to figure that out. I guess I was wrong. I was wrong about you, wasn't I Faye? I thought you would stay with me, not leave like her. You should have been here!"

He bent down and touched her face, "I cared about you. And you left. Left!" he screamed and hit her.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you," she choked out the words but he wasn't listening. He continued to ramble on about how she had left him when he needed her most. About how she had betrayed him and hurt him.

He pulled out his katana and dug it into her back, dragging it slowly. She screamed and remembered what pain felt like. She begged for him to stop but he didn't listen and all she could hear was his laughter. She prayed for death but she knew he wasn't merciful enough to end her suffering. He hurt her just enough to keep her alive.

"Now you'll never forget me."

He left her there crying on the cold hard floor. She had loved him once, but now she hated the monster he had turned into. Would she ever leave this place?

~

She sat up covered in sweat, her breathing erratic. She looked around her surroundings and realized she was safe, for the time being at least. She pulled her knees up and rested her face on them, forgetting Spike was still with her.

He felt her shift and leave his embrace. He didn't remember much of what had happened but he knew it felt good having Faye in his arms. In the shadows of the room he could see her sitting up with her knees pulled into her chest. Her chest moved up and down with out pattern and he could see that she was trying to calm herself.

"Are you alright Faye?"

The voice scared her but then she quickly realized it was only Spike. It gave her some comfort to know Spike was with her. She closed her eyes and wiped her tears.

"Just a nightmare," her voice was tried to sound confident but the façade didn't work as Spike sat up and put his arms around her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there Faye. I'm the reason you left that night. If I had just kept my mouth shut you would have been safe."

"You couldn't stop him Spike. He wanted me to hurt, to suffer. I don't want to think about it, I just want to forget," her voice was soothing and Spike pulled her in closer. She had never even dreamed of this. He was sorry, he cared about her. But that didn't mean that he loved her, did it? This was the last thing she needed. There was already so much confusion in her life she didn't need more. It's just for tonight, she thought, tomorrow will be normal and that thought put her to ease.

She and Spike lied down again and slowly her breathing evened out and she was asleep.

He lay there, his mind not allowing for a moment of rest. Why didn't Faye trust him enough to tell him who it was. She cringed in her sleep as Spike traced the cut along her back. Who could be so cold to do something like this.

He sat up, his mind was going insane and lying in that bed only made it worse. He pulled the blanket up and tucked Faye in, gently kissing her forehead and telling her she would be all right. She frowned for a moment, almost as though she could tell he was leaving her.

He went to the yellow couch and sat down. He reached for the remote and turned on the TV, something good had to be coming at four in the morning. He flipped through the channels and stopped at Big Shots.

"Now be careful about our next bounty, he's very valuable. Ahh, here he is…Willard Enemas. This guy is involved with the syndicates so be careful plus he killed one of the ISSP so they are really desperate for this guy," Punch's thick Mexican accent.

Spike looked at the picture on the screen, it was that guy who had come to the Bebop looking for Faye. The one Faye said came after her on mars.

"Oh my God, he's so ugly. Now I want all you big bad bounty hunters to watch out. I wouldn't want one of you to get hurt chasing after that big ol' piece of lard. Reports say that he's somewhere on Mars so be careful They think the syndicate he was associated with dumped him but they aren't sure. And remember this bounty's worth 6,000,000 woolongs, he'd be worth more if the ISSP officer killed wasn't old drunk Pete but that's another story. I hope all y'all strong and handsome bounty hunters are careful!" Judy's sugary tongue voiced.

Before the next bounty was even on the screen Spike was outside in his Swordfish on his way to Mars…

~

He had been sitting at that bar for hours now, his contact had told him the guy came by everyday at nine o'clock, and now it was well past 2 and no sign of that son of a bitch. He looked around the empty bar as the last drunk left the seedy bar with some two-bit hooker. He saw the bar tender asleep on the counter, his drool forming a pool on the counter. 'Good, when the guy comes in no one will be here to witness when I beat the shit out of him,' he thought.

The door open and Spike glanced up, it was he drunk coming back for his hat. Another false alarm. He was beginning to think that this guy was never going to show up.

He took a long sip of the alcohol and leaned his head back. He didn't know why he left in such a rush, he didn't even tell Jet where he went. Faye would probably think that he couldn't even stand the thought of waking up with her and decided to leave so he wouldn't have to face her. He didn't know if he could face her in the morning. He didn't know what he felt for Faye, whether it was love or just concern. It didn't matter right now, he was on a mission to catch one of the lowliest life forms in the universe.

The door swung open as another half-drunk man entered. He was short, pudgy, and ugly, exactly how Judy had described him. This was the guy. He came up and sat two barstools away from Spike, reaching over the counter and pouring himself a glass of whisky.

Spike swiftly knocked the barstool down and caused the large man to land on his back on the floor. Spike pulled out his glock ready to fire but stopped and just pointed it at his head.

"Who do you work for?" Spike's voice trembled but his hands remained steady.

The fat man seemed in shock. Moments ago he had been sitting on the bar drinking whiskey on now he had a gun pointed to his face.

"I asked who do you work for!" Spike screamed at him, pushing the gun closer to his face.

The man looked up and finally responded, "I don't work for anyone…I'm a loner"

"Hired work for syndicates? Is that what you are? Do they just pay you for jobs and then let you go?

"Basically, now please just let me go. I know you want that bounty on my head, but it's fake, I didn't kill anyone. I swear. They set me up so I couldn't talk."

"Why didn't they just kill you? I mean it is a syndicate. They don't give two shits for dumb asses like you."

"If I die they go down, but if I go to prison then their safe. They made up the bounty. I swear."

Spike continued to hold the gun firmly and then continued, "I don't care if you did or didn't kill that ISSP officer. Just tell me the name of the syndicate you worked for last!"

"I don't know, I've don't a lot of work. I can't keep them straight," his voice shaking and fear visible in his eyes.  
"Your fucking life is dangling by an inch and you are telling me you don't remember being fucking hired to kidnap a girl from the street by using all the force you wanted. You don't remember that. Don't tell me you don't remember you fucking piece of shit because this is a really bad day to forget. You've just about used up all my patience, wait there it goes…" Spike's finger moved to the trigger as he aimed for the man's head..

"Ok, ok I think I remember. It was for a syndicate in the heart of Mars. Real bad guys. I don't know what they did to the girl, I swear. I was just hired grab her and take her to him."

"Who the hell is 'him'?" Spike asked becoming more and more frustrated.

"It was the leader of the Red Dragon Syndicate. I think his name was Vicious."

Spike closed his eyes as all the pieces of the puzzle finally came together…

~wow, the suspense is over…did u guess right? Probably…Well, I hope all of you liked my latest installment, it'll be a while before the next chapter is up b/c of school and all. Oh yeah, now that the mystery of who it was is over I can tell you that the story takes place on the Cowboy Bebop timeline (like the tv show) except the one where Vicious and Faye meet, "Ballad of Fallen Angels" didn't happen and it is before "Hard Luck Woman."

~Thanks to everyone who reviewed, seriously when I'm down I just go to the review page and read them and they make feel sooo much better~ thanks again!

~please be kind, and rewind, no I mean review~


	6. Bruises

****

Ties Together

Session 6~Bruises

Lucky Star

Spike didn't know how much he had to drink. After turning the slime ball in Spike retreated to the same bar and drank what was left. He left enough money to pay for a tenth of what he had drank and he really didn't care. It hurt to think about what he had just learned. His brain refused to process the knowledge he had just acquired. He sat now on the yellow couch with another can of beer. He didn't turn on the lights, wanting to be left alone in his darkness. He had found a note on the table from Jet saying that Ed and he had gone to get a bounty. He didn't know where the woman was. He really didn't care. He enjoyed the emptiness of the silence. He could just sit and get drunk and try to not think.

He heard feet walk across the cold steel floor. Just by listening to them Spike could tell they were Faye's. They barely made a sound; she was graceful and sly. A wolf in sheep's clothing. She stepped into the room flipping on the light. Spike pulled back dropping the empty can of beer to cover his eyes. He had forgotten what light felt like. He kept his gaze down, not wanting to look at any part of her.

"When did you get back Spike? Jet and I have almost decided to go look for your ass," she smiled hoping for him to come up with some cocky reply so they could battle it out. She remembered his words; 'I miss the old Faye' and she did too. She missed her confidence, her passion for life. She would try to be that Faye, the one everyone missed. She refused to live in fear, Spike had said he would protect her. She looked at him. He just sat there, his face remaining expressionless. She took a step closer, "How drunk are you?"

She leaned in, asking again, "Hello? Anyone home?" she knocked on his head her fingers tangling in his hair.

"Why didn't you tell me," he whispered to her ignoring her question.

He waited a moment before asking again, this time louder.

"Why didn't you tell me!"

She still looked confused and so he asked again, this time losing control.

"Why didn't YOU tell ME!" He slammed his fist on the little coffee table causing the room to shake.

She took a step away from him; she had never seen him this angry.

"Spike I don't know what the hell your talking about."

"You never told me that you owed money to the Red Dragons! What you didn't feel like that was an important detail? Oh and you forgot to mention you were Vicious's slut too!" He stood up, using his height as an advantage against her. He was only six inches taller but he towered over her, trying to intimidate her.

She moved back, she didn't understand what happened.

"You probably weren't only his slut but the whole syndicate's slut. Hell, I probably slept with you a couple of times too," his words slurred a little and he saw her face crack, turning from concerned to hurt. He turned away, wiping away the tears that the memories of Julia brought. He looked back at her; his gaze was accusing her.

Maybe if he wasn't so drunk he would have known to stop instead of keep going. Maybe if he wasn't so drunk he would have blocked Faye's hand as she slapped him.

"That is none of your business Spike. My life is my life," she fought tears knowing she couldn't let him win like this. He was drunk right now; he didn't know what he was doing. She turned to walk to her room but Spike grabbed her arm and squeezed hard. He turned her around and held both her arms tightly. There were five little fingers on his face.

"I don't even believe it, I can't. It doesn't make any sense. Why would Vicious want someone like you when he had Julia? He would never choose a slut like you over her." It wasn't like he was asking her, more like he was reassuring himself. She ignored him, knowing that becoming involved would only cause more hurt.

She struggled trying to escape his tight grip. She didn't allow herself to cry, not now.

"Let me go Spike. You're hurting me," she pulled back but his grip only became stronger cutting off circulation. He pulled her in closer, his mouth only a few inches away from hers. Her love for alcohol disappeared, as she smelled Vodka and hard liquor on his breath.

"Vicious loved Julia, he wouldn't cheat on her with some trash like you. Even if you wanted it."

She found it hard to breathe; she had never imagined this. What had she done to deserve this? She couldn't handle it, not in a rational way at least. She looked him in the eyes banishing the tears which threatened to overflow. Her fears quickly vanished as she stood on her tiptoes to intimidate Spike.

"You want to know the truth Spike? Julia knew about Vicious and me and she was jealous so she found someone else too. She used the guy to make Vicious jealous but it never worked, she even had the guy convinced that they were in love." She moved right up to his mouth and whispered the last few word into his ear.

He shoved her back and she fell hitting the corner of the doorframe hard. She closed her eyes, everything hurt again. All the pain returning as she slid to the floor.

"Julia would never do that. She loved me, she would never lie to me like that. Never."

She looked up trying to find her fleeting confidence, "It's true Spike. I don't care if you believe me or not. But it is. She never loved you. You were just a way to get back at Vicious. Julia was the real slut Spike."  
He clasped her by the shoulders and pulled her up and looked her right in the eye, "Julia wasn't a slut like you. Anything I began to feel for you Faye is dead. You are dead to me. I don't care what you say or what you do, I just want you gone, even dead," his voice was dead just like her to him.

He pushed her away and went to his room. She waited for the door to slam before she let out a sob. Everything hurt. Everything. She made her way to her room and closed the door. She sat on the floor in front of her bed and pulled her knees close.

She hated the bruises that covered her body, she hated the way she felt. She hated the fact that she still loved him. She hated that she still wanted him with her, she still wanted to be in his arms. But most of all she hated herself.

~

__

I can't stop thinking about cutting myself up  
Visual bruises can be covered with make-up  
But down to the core I'm all bruises  
My little whore gives this excuses

~How can this be rationalized?  
Your brain has programmed all of those lies  
What do you tell yourself about our situation?  
How can you look at yourself without having some sort of revelation?

~How do you live with yourself?  
How could you possibly hurt someone like myself?  
The saddest part though, is I would take you back

~You've turned me into some spineless hypochondriac  
Now I tend to every last emotion  
I'm just so caught up in this

~I cannot grasp its hazed proportions  
Alright now I'll be fair  
I'll just pull you by your hair  
I'll just kick you from time to time

~And then I'll love you in the meantime  
It will be just like before

~I'll be your girl,  
you'll be my whore

~I'm not an angry child  
I don't run hot nor mild

But for some reason when it comes to you  
I smile at the thought of hitting you

~I smile at the thought of watching you die

I strive off the image of making you cry  
I feed off the feeling of having you need  
I lick the illusion of watching you bleed

~

The door opened a bit leaking in light. It hurt Faye who still sat on the floor in the same position. 

He stood at the door for a moment. Half of him told him to leave the other half to stay. When the effects of the alcohol had begun to fade he realized the mistake he had made. He didn't remember his words but he remembered the bruises. He had prayed that he would never turn into a monster like that. He knew he hurt her, all those promises he had made were now broken. He wasn't the man he had believed himself to be. He looked at her, she sat there on the floor just like before. Except now the bruises were from him. He couldn't of words and he didn't want to move closer, he didn't want to see the bruises he had left.

"What is it about her Spike? What don't I see?" she spoke first, breaking the silence.

He shut the door, now only the moon watched them.

"I was always to jealous of her, how smooth her skin was. Not a single mark. I never understood why. She was the one who wasn't faithful, I was always there but I was always the one with the bruises. Always." Her head still resting on her knees and the tears glistening in the dim light.

"Faye, I didn't mean it. All of it, I don't know what happened. I've never done anything like that before. I promise I won't ever do it again. Never."

"She had his heart. You're right. He did love her. No matter how much I loved him, he was always hers. I tried so many times to get him to leave her. But he loved her. I was just some fling on the side. Some one who really didn't matter. I was just there. He would always love her. Just like you. You have the same look he does when her name is brought up. I could give you the universe Spike, and your eyes would still cry for her. His did too. I could see it. When he was with me, I wasn't me, I was some cheap excuse for her. Is that what I was to you Spike? When you held me, did you see her too?"

"Faye," before he could continue she interrupted him.

"Did you even try Spike? Or was I just some canvas, a portrait of Julia you were waiting to paint?" She brought herself to her feet and looked into his eyes, looking for the portrait of Julia he held on to.

"It was never like that Faye. It was you I kissed, not Julia."

She turned away. She didn't see Julia in his eyes, she saw herself. She slowly walked to him. She leaned in to his ear and whispered, "I wish I could believe you Spike but I could give you the universe and your eyes would still cry for her. I can't give you the universe Spike, all I could give was my heart. But it's too bruised to be handled so just go cuz your dead to me too." She pushed him back, away from her. She had forced the words as the bile raised in her stomach. She hated this feeling. The feeling of her heart breaking.

"Faye, you don't mean it."

She looked up letting go. She didn't care anymore. "You're right Spike. Doesn't matter how much you hate me, I still love you." She turned around to lie in her bed and forget this day but his voice stopped her.

"It's been you that I've been dreaming about. Only you." He pulled her back, unsure of what was happening and kissed her. It was gentle, an apology kiss. She pulled away, breaking the kiss. She stood in his embrace for a moment and searched his eyes afraid she would see blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She didn't all she saw was a tired woman with purple hair and green eyes. She leaned in again and slowly the kisses grew passionate. Slowly the floor was strewn with the clothing that got in the way. Both had been dying for the touch of another human. Both needed a sign that they were still alive, and in each other's arms they found it.

~

He didn't know about Faye. This weird thing they had. Sometimes he hated her, and times like these he almost loved her. There was a part of him that was disgusted with her. Maybe not her, but the sequence of events that led her to him. It was like he was stuck in some cheap suspense action film where the leading lady kept being recast. Now it was Faye. Maybe it wasn't her that he was disgusted with but rather himself for being attracted to Faye, for wanting her, needing her. He did hate himself for finding another women, Julia was supposed to be his last.

He didn't know if he loved her. The words had slipped off her tongue so easily it scared him. Julia loved him like that, without a second thought. No matter how much they denied their passion, it grew. Just like with Faye.

She was a canvas, at times he did paint Julia, dreamed of her touch. But overall it was Faye. He didn't know how he had learned to paint her but she was beautiful. He didn't say anything, though, he didn't know what she wanted to hear. They both simply found comfort in each other's arms. Faye understood that words only complicated things. They simply took pleasure from each other's company.

She was sleeping now. He could see the formation of bruises he had left. Even they added to her beauty. In all their bickering and arguing he had never been able to see her beauty. She could be as beautiful as Julia sometimes. But only if Faye tried. Julia never needed to try. She looked beautiful all the time. It seemed impossible but it was true. Even in the morning, without makeup, wearing one of his yellow shirts she was beautiful. That was when she looked the most beautiful. He wondered how Faye looked in the morning. He wondered whether he should stay. He wondered if the feeling he felt had names or were just experienced. He wondered whether it was love or like. He wondered how he should act when they leave the confines of the bedroom. His mind spun with questions.

He looked down at her, she slept so peacefully. He closed his eyes taking in her beauty. She looked sluty in the yellow tank and hot pants but now, in his arms covered by only a thin blanket, she radiated beauty. He didn't know what else to call it but beauty. Her purple hair framed her face and her lips parted in a small smile. He almost forgot of her past. Of their tie together.

It still hurt to think that she belonged to Vicious once. But that was over now, she didn't love him anymore. She wasn't sure if she ever loved him. She knew she didn't love him anymore. In the beginning he was just someone who looked out for her, in a sense, though he didn't keep her very safe from himself. He knew Vicious could be cruel but he never imagined him to be one to hit women. He stopped and traced the bruise that formed on Faye's back. He had given that bruise and Vicious the cut. Each one leaving a mark for her to remember. Vicious's was permanent. His would fade over time.

He memorized her body, every scratch and bruise. He wondered if they had been given by him. There was a small scar above her left breast and an accompanying scar above her left shoulder. She said she was shot, she got caught up in one of Vicious's games. The bullet hit her heart, almost piercing her lung, and went out the other end. She said there was a small hole in heart. "The part of my heart that belonged to Vicious is the part that's missing now." Her words were simple. A fairytale anyone could believe. She said the hole didn't affect her normally, just that her heart rate was less controlled than others. Sometimes she had to be careful, not to expose herself to low temperatures or other dangerous situations. She said she didn't care. If she was supposed to die she would. That night when Vicious sent men after her she wasn't supposed to die. She was supposed to live so she could meet him.

He knew Vicious had sent men after her. When she left him he had sent men to kill her. They thought she had died. They had left her there to bleed to death in the alley but someone saved her. The doctors told her the scar and the hole could be fixed but without a penny to her name she was out of luck. He hated doctors.

She said she tried to stay in the slums and out of trouble but it just followed her. Her debts were the main reason she couldn't disappear. And then him. She didn't want to admit it but he knew Vicious had come after her because he thought it was Julia all over again. Faye was a low class replacement for Julia. For him and Vicious.

He didn't know what to do in that moment as disgust filled him. He knew he couldn't just leave. So he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

~Song credit to: Majandra Delfino, "Bruises" (I know it's a little dark but it works…)  
~Song credit to: Michelle Branch, "I'll Always be Right There" (Part 5)

Thanks to Cowgirl113 for reviewing before I edited, I just had to fix and add somethings. Thanks again to all my readers (u guys are my heroes!)

Please be kind and rewind no I mean review!


	7. Cold Cold Heart

**_Ties Together_**

**_Session 7~Cold Cold Heart_**

**_Lucky Star_**

She awoke concealed in a blanket of warmth.  She had never felt so good.  She moved a little and each muscle in her body ached.  She glanced up and realized the pain was worth it.  Spike was with her, her not some excuse for Julia.  At least that was what he told her the night before.  She closed her eyes again.

She prayed that Spike didn't just sleep with her because he was so drunk.  She didn't want just sex.  She pulled closer to Spike; she knew that couldn't have just been sex.  She could tell stuff like that, she knew when there were feelings involved and when it was just sex.  That wasn't just sex.  She prayed it wasn't just sex.  She had enough relationships with just sex, she needed something real now.  She needed something that she could hold on to when she came close to hitting rock bottom, something to bring her back up after the crash.

It felt good to be in Spike's arms but she didn't want to wake up with Spike telling her that what happened was a mistake.  She released herself from Spike's arms looking for her bath robe.  Damn, she meant to wash it, she looked around and found a towel and wrapped herself in that.  She needed a shower to clear her mind.  She would even get some hot water.

She opened the door and entered the doorway.  The usually chilling steel floor felt good beneath her burning toes.  She tilted her head back and closed her eyes; she knew the ship well enough to make it to the bathroom without killing herself.  She didn't expect what happened next.

"Faye-Faye!  Ed-person has been looking for you for a very very very long time!  Ed-person misses painting Faye-Faye's nails!  Can Ed-person paint Faye-Faye's nails?"  The little girl paused and looked around and then asked another question, "Where has Faye-Faye been?  Jet-person has been looking every where for you and Spike-person.  Does Faye-Faye know where Spike-person is?"  Her head began to hurt after hearing all those question.  She sighed, trying to figure out when Jet and Ed had come back?  She didn't need this right now.

"Faye-Faye has been here the whole time and she doesn't know where Spike-person is."  She answered the two questions she remembered and began to try to pry the hacker off her leg as she continued to the bathroom.  As she approached the kitchen she could smell bell peppers and beef.  Her stomach growled as she remembered not eating anything the day before.  She was planning on getting something but she found Spike instead.  Her back began to hurt again.

"I'm glad you're awake Faye.  Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes," Jet said as he peaked out of the kitchen, "have you seen Spike anywhere?  He's not in his room or the couch.  Plus his ship is still her…"  Jet didn't need to finish his sentence; he had pieced together Spike's location by simply watching Faye's face turn ten shades of red.  "Never mind," he quickly said.

She quickened her pace.  The last thing she wanted was to go through last night's affairs with Jet.

  
~

He groaned as he turned over.  He had gone to sleep in an awkward position last night.  He felt pretty comfortable now though.  He didn't remember his mattress being so soft.  He didn't remember his room smelling so good either.  He lifted his poofy head and looked at his surroundings.  This wasn't his room, it was Faye's.

He sat up, unsure of what to do.  He could hear the shower, damn her.  She got up first, now he was left with trying to figure out what to do.

'Ok Spike, this isn't brain surgery.  It's simple.  Get out of Faye's room and into yours.  Put on some clothes and go about your day.'  He stood up and looked around.  His clothes mixed in with Faye's on the floor.

He put on his shirt and pants and stepped into the hallway.  'So far so good.'  He continued down the hall and reached for his door knob but something attached itself to Spike's leg first.  He screamed.  The thing from the fridge had returned and this time it was after him!  He quickly glanced down and saw a blob of orange hair.  He leaned against the door, and took a deep breath.  It wasn't the dinner from hell, it was Ed.  When did Ed and Jet get back!?

"Why was Spike-person in Faye-Faye's room?  What was Spike-person doing?"

He sighed; he was not in the mood to explain the birds and the bees to Ed, especially since he wasn't sure if Ed was a bird or a bee.

"Spike-person had to get something."  He hated calling himself Spike-person but it was the only way to get rid of Ed.

"Ok, Ed will go tell Jet-person.  Jet-person has been looking for Spike for a long long long long long time."

Spike froze; he couldn't have Jet know what happened between him and Faye.  Not until he figured out exactly what had happened between the two of them.

"Wait Ed.  Does Ed want some candy?"  He smiled as the little girl nodded her head crazily, "Good.  Spike-person will give Ed lots of candy she doesn't tell Jet where Spike was.  Ed smiled and bounced down the hallway.  He ran his hand through his hair, another disaster avoided.

He opened the door to his room and sat on the bed.  He didn't know what to do now.  
  
~  
  
"Mmmm…Jet what's cooking.  Please say anything but bell peppers and beef," Spike walked into the kitchen and stood next to Jet.  He glanced up at his face and didn't see a happy expression.

"Spike, I have something to say and I'm only going to say it once.  I don't know what is going on in this ship but I sure as hell know Faye isn't ready to go out anywhere and that means that the bruises on her back were from you.  It's none of my business what is going on between you and Faye but if I see anymore bruises Spike, you're going to have to find a new place to sleep."  His voice had remained calm throughout his speech and now he turned to put the pan of bell peppers and beef onto the table acting like what he had just said was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Jet, you're serious, are you?"  He couldn't believe what he was hearing.  Jet thought Spike was with Faye.  Even worse than that he thought Spike was some kind of woman abuser.  This whole thing was totally thrown out of proportion.  None of this was supposed to happen.

"Spike that is something I'm not going to tolerate on my ship."

"Don't worry; nothing is going on between me and her."

"It's none of my business."  
Spike walked out of the room.  He had just lost his appetite.  He went to his room and sat down again.  Yet again he didn't know what to do.

~  
  


He released a breath of air and swiftly kicked into air.  'Like water,' he told himself but he couldn't concentrate.

He had fallen asleep after "breakfast" and got up feeling even worse than before.  He needed to clear his mind and training did that.  But not this time, this time it only got worse.  Each moment his thoughts kept returning to his dream, his nightmare.  He kicked into the air and stopped holding his head in his hands.  He kept seeing flashes of it, of Julia, even Faye.  He leaned against the wall and slid to the floor allowing the images of the nightmare to unite into a hallucination…

_~_

_"Spike, I've missed you," she leaned in and kissed his neck as she pushed him into the wall.  He felt like he was in heaven.  Having her in his arms was his heaven.  He moaned as she pushed him further into the wall.  Heaven._

_They stood in the dark hallway of some unknown meeting place.  He didn't know how they had found each other or even how he had arrived there.  All he knew was if he died he would die happy in her arms.  He looked at her; even in the dimly lit scene she looked angelic.  It was like a glow emitted from her.  She was an angel, his angel._

_"I've missed you too.  I dreamed of you every night.  I dreamed of your lips, of your embrace, of your body, of your eyes.  All I dream of is you.  Why didn't you come back?"  She smiled her devilish grin._

_"I did come back, I'm here aren't I?"  Now he smiled and pulled her closer wishing to fuse their bodies together.  He leaned in and kissed her luscious lips.  He had missed her so much it was beyond human comprehension._

_"I love you so much Julia.  More than the moon loves the sun.  I'd do anything for you Julia.  Anything."  She laughed a little almost as though she was taunting him.  "Just tell me your love me too Julia.  That's all I need."_

_She leaned into his neck and whispered into his ear, "Come with me Spike."  Her breath sent shivers down his spine but it still felt good.  He took her hand and let her lead.  He would follow her into hell if she asked._

_They walked into a large hall.  It was the church he had fought Vicious in.  The church in which he had died.  It was ironic to think that he had once dreamed of marrying Julia in this church.  This church didn't hold their future but rather their demise._

_"Julia, just tell me that you love me," he pulled her arm and turned her so she was facing him.  He leaned in again to lay a kiss on her lips but she pulled away, all the time smiling._

_She dropped his hand and walked down the aisle to a man at the other end.  Even at this distance he could see the gray hair and colorless eyes laughing at him.  Julia stood next to him, her arm snaked around his.  This wasn't right; this wasn't how it was supposed to end.  He pulled out his gun and aimed, unsure of who his victim was. He fired.   They stood their together for a moment, at the altar, but slowly Julia fell to the floor._

_He felt the hot tears run down his cheeks as he ran to the front of the church.  He didn't mean to shoot her, he loved her.  He bent down and went to hold the women on the floor in his arms._

_He pulled away for a moment.  It wasn't Julia.  It was Faye.  The other man extended his arm and helped her up and then the two walked out together, hand in hand.  Spike stood alone in the large cathedral staring at the disappearing image of Faye and Vicious._

_~_

He leaned his head back till it made contact with the wall.  What did the dream mean?  He hated this feeling of not knowing what to do.  He didn't know where to go from where he was.  He felt something for Faye but the dream made it feel all wrong.  Did it mean Faye belonged with Vicious?  Did it mean that Julia was dead and it was time to move on?  He closed his eyes and remembered the gun in his hands and how easily he had pulled the trigger.   Did it mean that Julia belonged with Vicious?  That Faye and Julia belonged to him?  No, Julia belonged to him.  He knew that.  All this came from what Faye had said; all the doubt that built within him was because of her.  The one thing he knew was Julia and no one could change that.

He stood up and looked around the room.  The only question he really had to decide was whether Faye was his or someone else's.  He remembered their innocent kisses.  She didn't feel like someone else's, she felt like his.  But then why did she go with Vicious in his dream?  He punched the wall and instantly remembered how much metal hurt the hands.  This was getting too complicated.  It wasn't like with Julia, it was easy with Julia.

Spike began to swing his fists and kick his legs as swiftly as water.  He had finally found an answer to his question.

~  
  


She walked into her room after dinner.  She had walked around the ship a little trying to find Spike but he was no where, his ship was still in the docks too.  She sighed and flipped on the lights.  There Spike sat on her bed his shoulders slumped and his head down.  She knew something was wrong.

"Spike, are you alright?" She said after noticing his fist was covered in bruises.

"Faye," she could feel his voice quiver.  Whatever Spike would say she knew would hurt like a knife.

"What happened was a mistake.  I can't do it.  You belong with him, he had you first."

He got up trying to make a swift exit without having to argue with Faye but he wasn't fast enough.

"Belong with him?"  She repeated his words first trying to comprehend and then trying to choke them down, "Belong with who, Spike?  Huh?  Vicious?  You can't be serious.  I told you I don't love him."  Spike had stopped and now stood in the middle of the room.   She waited for a response and finally got one.

"Faye.  I don't know.  It just doesn't feel right.  You shouldn't be with me," his eyes were still cast down and his hands in his pockets.

She moved closer to him so she could look in his eyes.  "For god's sake Spike, he raped me.  How could I love a monster like that?  Don't you think I deserve better?"  She stopped for a moment and tried to take a breath of air.  She felt like she couldn't breathe because all of a sudden it made sense.  She looked at him and remembered the picture by his bed.  Julia.

 "Dammit Spike.  Don't give some shitty excuse for not wanting to be with me because of Vicious.  You're still stuck on Julia.  I should have known.  You probably thought that you could get past it.  Thought you could live with the fact that I'm not as perfect as Julia but you couldn't.  I wasn't good enough to be her.  I told you Spike.  I'm not Julia.  I never will be and you said that was all right.  Why didn't I see it before?  You avoided me all day, it makes sense.  You thought I could be some excuse for Julia but I wasn't enough.  And now every time you look at me I make you feel sick.  Is that it Spike?"  She pushed him back and then stepped away from him not wanting to be anywhere near him.  She felt so wronged, so hurt she couldn't explain.

"Faye, it's not like that.  I swear."

"Just go Spike, just leave me alone.  I don't need this right now."

He walked out of the room without looking back.   He knew he might not have been able to leave if he saw Faye crying.  He knew he wouldn't be able to stand making her hurt even more.

~

~I've tried so hard my dear to show  
That you're my every dream   
Yet you're afraid each thing I do  
Is just some evil scheme   
~A memory from your lonesome past   
Keeps us so far apart  
Why can't I free your doubtful mind  
And melt your cold cold heart   
~Another love before my time   
Made your heart sad an' blue   
And so my heart is paying now  
For things I didn't do   
~In anger unkind words are said  
That make the teardrops start   
Why can't I free your doubtful mind  
And melt your cold cold heart  
~There was a time when I believed  
That you belonged to me   
But now I know your heart is shackled  
To a memory   
~The more I learn to care for you   
The more we drift apart   
Why can't I free your doubtful mind   
And melt your cold cold heart

~

He sat in his room and a few hours later he heard Faye's ship leave the Bebop.  It was the first time she left the ship and it probably was to go get drunk or something.  He punched the wall and didn't care how much it hurt; he just wanted to stop the feeling that what had just happened was all wrong.  That Faye really did belong with him.  That he might love her.

*yay, an update!  I hope you guys like!  Sorry for the really long wait, it's getting harder and harder to get ideas plus find time to type up the story!  I hope I can update soon.  Thanks for reviewing!

~song credit: Norah Jones

Please be kind and rewind, no I mean review!


	8. Burn Out

Ties Together

Part 8~Burn Out

Lucky Star

She didn't enjoy sitting on the bar stool in the bar full of ugly old fat men.  They glared and sneered at her passing sly comments about her appearance now and then.  The comments had slowed after she knocked out the guy who commented about the scar that ran down her back.  The words rang in her head, 'So you like it rough?  I can show you good night then.'  He smiled at her through his broken teeth and his arm rested on her upper thigh.  It didn't stay there much longer.  He crawled away with a broken arm and rib.  After that most of the men backed off and let her drink herself into oblivion.  She didn't really want to fight; all her body craved at that moment was alcohol to subdue her pain.

She didn't like drinking, even after all these years she still felt its bitter taste burn in her stomach and make her queasy.  Even then she let the cool liquid slip down the back of her throat.  It allowed for an escape, a way out.  She started drinking almost right after she woke up from freezing.  Alcohol had been the only stable thing in her life since her awakening.  Alcohol was her best friend, the one "person" who understood all her pain and the "one" who stood by her through thick and thin.

She sat now with vodka.  She hated vodka the most, it was hard and sour but it was the one that numbed the pain the best.  She looked at the empty glass.  She couldn't even count the number of times she had found comfort in an empty glass of alcohol.  Even when she was broke she could sway her hips and afford a glass at any bar.  No bartender was immune to her charms.

She saw the bartender walk over and refill her glass.  He stared at her for a moment and then asked the typical bartender question.

"Wanna talk about it?"

She held her glass with the tips of her fingers and looked him in the eye.  Under other circumstances she may have found him attractive, but not with Spike on her mind.

"If I wanted to talk about it, I would call you over."  She looked away and waited for him to leave but he was persistent.

"I'm just concerned.  I mean beautiful women like you shouldn't be in shit holes like these."

"Oh, and what makes you think I'm so beautiful?  I'll tell you right now that I'm not beautiful.  I'm ugly.  I'm uglier than the dirt on the streets."  She quickly tilted her head back and as fast as he had poured her drink it was gone.

"Who told you that?"

"That's something you don't need to be told.  You kind of figure it out as you go along," she paused and waited for him to refill her drink.  It was too much to tell without something numbing her senses.  He quickly poured the vodka and waited for her to continue.  The only problem was she didn't know where to start.  She had gone around the in the same circle so many times she had forgotten where the start and finish were.

"I guess my biggest mistake was falling in love.  I loved him with my entire heart.  I loved him more than I loved my life," she looked down and tried to force the tears to leave her eyes and return to the perils within her.

"So, he left you for someone else?"  She looked up and laughed.  It would have been easier if he had left her for someone else instead of that damn memory of her.

"I wish he had.  He left me for some sick memory of his first love.  It took him one night to realize that I couldn't be half the women she was and kicked me to the curb."

"Harsh.  What did he say?"  His questions were prying but she didn't know her limits with so much alcohol in her and continued to spin her tale.

"He said I didn't belong with him.  That there was someone else out there for me," she held up the glass and took a long sip.  The burning felt good.

"Who'd he say you belonged with?"

She smiled before replying, "Some guy I thought I loved along time ago.  I didn't love him, ever.  He hurt me too bad for me to ever forgive him, but even then he wanted me with him.  The guy nearly killed me and he said that I belonged with him."

"Seriously, I mean there has to be some truth for him to take it that far."

 "I don't know anymore."  She closed her eyes and leaned her head on the palms of her hands.

"Did you really love this guy?"

"Yeah.  I did, with all my heart.  He's worth more than my life.  But it doesn't matter, he doesn't want me anyways.  It just proves everything that anyone I've ever known has told me, that I'm gonna die alone…"  She closed her eyes and let a single tear run down her cheek.  She hated crying. "I hope that covers my bill," she said as she got up and put her red jacket.  She didn't turn around for an answer as she left the shabby bar.

~

She sat on the bench in the crowded street.  It was late but the hustle of mars had people still moving.  There was an all night fair down the street and in the good neighborhoods of mars it was safe to walk around at one in the morning.  She observed the fathers and mothers carrying their sleeping children to their warm beds in their large houses.  She wondered if old Earth had such fairs.  She wondered if her family used to go to those fairs.  She wondered if her father would pick her up and carry her to their home.  She would never know fully.  She would never know what her life was like before the accident.

She looked away from the people and watched a street light flicker.  Her life was flickering.  With each flash from the street light she saw a piece of a memory.  She felt a hug or heard her name called by people she had once loved.  It was not the way the scientists described she would get her memories back.  They made it appear as though her memories would come back in an old Earth movie form.  She would sit with her popcorn and watch the events of her life unfold from the third person.  Instead they were flashes and fragments.  She would hear a name and feel a touch but never more.  She rarely saw a face and when she did it was blurred.  The tears flowed freely as each snippet of a memory flashed before her eyes and then dimmed like the light.  Finally the light burned out and Faye lay down on the bench and let herself burn out.

~

_Rising in the east  
And fading in the west  
To the north and to sleep  
At the close of day  
The flame goes out  
Only char left in the grate  
Do you in dying become  
But a name  
I can see you're worn down  
The weight upon your shoulders  
All the joy you once had  
Now is gone  
Can't find what you wanted  
Feeling lost in turmoil  
Will you finally  
Be free  
~Out into the cold night  
Stare into the dark sky  
Do you sleep forever  
Or burn alive  
Or linger in the half light  
Fade into the dark night  
Do you find contentment  
Do you find your peace  
~Rising in the east  
And fading in the west  
To the north and to sleep  
At the close of day  
The flame goes out  
Only char left in the grate  
Do you in dying become  
But a name  
~Out into the cold night  
Stare into the dark sky  
Do you sleep forever  
Or burn alive  
Or linger in the half light  
Fade into the dark night  
Do you find contentment  
Do you find your peace_

~

She stumbled into the ship.  She wasn't drunk anymore simply unaware of her movements.  She didn't care that the black lines from her eye liner streaked her face.  She didn't have anyone anyways.  It didn't matter; she wasn't going to stay long.  She'd tell Jet thanks and hit the road in her redtail.

'Lie.  You'll never leave.  As much as you say you will.  You'll never do it.  Just being by him makes you feel complete, even if when he looks at you all he feels is disgust.  Even if when he looks at you he hates himself'

She quickly opened the door to her room and closed it.  She was afraid of the voice inside her head.  It told the truth.  No matter what he said she still wanted to be by him.  She hated hangovers.  They made her feel crazy.

She changed her clothes and wiped her face removing the makeup stains from her porcelain skin.  She couldn't let Spike know how much he had hurt her.  She wouldn't let him win.

"When'd you get back?"  It was Jet.  He walked into the kitchen and then continued, "Dinner's going to be ready in a few.  Oh yeah, something came for you.  The posting was already paid so I accepted it."

"Thanks Jet," her voice was a whisper as she sat on the yellow couch and noticed the yellow envelope on table.  It was probably some debt collector asking for his money.  She sighed on dumped the contents of the packet onto the table.  Four pictures fell out and a note.  She felt the tears and soon felt them running down her face.  They were in focus.  They were of her family.

There was a man and he had large blue eyes and purple hair like her.  In his arms was a little girl with matching hair and green eyes.  There was a woman next to the man with the same big green eyes as the girl and long blonde hair.  The blonde hair also belonged to a little boy who had blue eyes like the older man.  The boy and girl were twins but people always said they were opposites.   She picked up another picture.  This time the boy and girl were standing together grinning.  Each child was missing their front two teeth.  She had lost her teeth first and the boy was jealous so he pulled them out too.  The third picture was of the girl sitting on the older man's lap.  The man was wearing a large red suit and a fake white beard.  It was Christmas and she could see the tree covered with decorations.  The last one was of a girl maybe sixteen wearing a large pink dress that fit her upper body and then poofed.  There was boy next to her.  He had brown hair and matching brown eyes and wore a black tux with penguin tails.    Next to the two of them was another couple.  The boy had blonde hair and blue eyes and wore a black tux similar to the other one.  The girl wore a long blue dress and had red hair that was pulled into a bun.  It was the night of their first prom.  She closed her eyes as her head began to pound.  Remembering made her hurt.  It made her feel even more incomplete because she would never truly feel those emotions again.

She picked up the last picture, the one of her before her prom.  She could see the hope in the young girl's eyes.  Hope that no longer existed in the Faye she was today.  The hope had become somewhere lost inside her and refused to return.  Her happiness resided there too.  Maybe she been so happy in that life happiness was denied to her in this one.  She did have two lives.  It was apparent in that picture.  She was only a few years older when she was in the accident but she was still innocent.  That Faye never knew of pain or hurt.  Her life was beautiful and full of opportunity.  That Faye could be anything her heart desired.  That Faye could love anyone and have their love in return.  That Faye but not this Faye.  She was different.  Her life would never be beautiful, and the rare moments in which she might actually believe it might be beautiful would be ripped from her, causing more pain than before.  This Faye had no choice in her life and what it became.  She was merely a pawn in a large game.  She wondered if the other Faye still lived inside of her.  Maybe she was buried deep inside along with her happiness and hope.  Maybe that Faye had returned when Spike was with her.  Maybe that Faye would have been able to make Spike love her.  Maybe…

She picked up the note and read it over.  The words "If you want more, come see me," were all that was written.

"What did you get?"  It was Spike.  She quickly crumpled up the note and tried to scoop up the pictures but one fell out and landed at Spike's feet.  He picked it up and then looked at her.  It was the one of all of them standing together.  "It's your family."  She had never heard such sweet words, 'her family.'  She wasn't alone.  She tried to remain calm and she simply nod her head but instead she broke down into sobs and closed her eyes tight trying to stop the tears.  She felt Spike wrap his arms around her and she felt some hope.  Maybe that Faye was still inside.

She continued to sob and Spike continued to hold her saying it was alright.  She hated that he talked to her like nothing had happened.  She hated that he would even touch her after what had happened.  How could he pretend like nothing happened?  But even then she let the moment live.  She just needed someone at that instant in time.  The other Faye needed someone to give her hope.

~

"Do you remember anything?"  It was Spike again.  They had stood in that embrace for what seemed like hours and had some how ended up side by side on the large yellow couch staring at the four gateways into her past in silence.  His voice disrupted her silence and made her recall her surroundings.

She closed her eyes, his voice was smooth and clear.  He acted like nothing had happened between the two of them.  Like old times.  She tried to talk but her voice had retreated to the darkest corners of Faye and was no where to be found, along with her pride.

"I…" she began but she didn't know what to say.  She didn't want to get close to him.  She wanted him to whisper it would be okay but she didn't want him to think that he could do something like that to her and then simply act like it never happened.  She had _some_ pride.  Or at least she believed she did.  The only thing that made her feel like she didn't was the fact that all she wanted was to look into his mismatched eyes and tell him everything like that night.  But she couldn't.  That isn't what he wanted, even if that was all she died for, "I still don't remember."  It wasn't a total lie.  She didn't remember anything.  Just those few scenes from around the pictures.

"Was there a note or anything?  Did it say who it was from?"

"I can't do this Spike.  I can't live with you being hot and cold.  I can't live with you liking me one minute and then hating me the next.  I just can't."  She got up but he grabbed her wrist and stood next to her.

"I don't hate you.  I never did," he looked down and then continued, "Faye, can't it be the way like it was before?"

"Spike, it can never be that way.  Things can't always stay the same.  It doesn't matter how much we want them to.  It's all part of life."  She pulled away from her grip and wiped her tears.  He always made her cry.  She retreated to her room with her pictures and spread them out on her bed.

All she wanted was Spike but she knew she couldn't have him.  She pulled out the crumpled piece of paper.  At least she could have a past.  It was one or the other for Spike.  A past or present, there was a choice.  He chose his past, of course.  A memory of Julia was enough to last him an eternity.  But for Faye there was no choice.  She would give up her past for Spike.

A hazy memory of that night came to her mind.  She remembered her head lying on his heart and she told him something before they both slipped off into their dreams.

"I'd give it all up for you Spike.  Just to hear you say my name like you say her's.  I'd stop everything.  I'd even give up my past for you Spike.  I'd do anything."  Her voice had been a husky whisper and she wasn't sure if Spike was awake or not but she had to tell him.  She had to let him know how much he mattered to her.

She had agreed to start over with him.  But that wasn't what he wanted.  It wasn't enough.  It never would be.  All he wanted was his past so all she would try to find was her's.  She sat down on her bed and felt the emptiness inside of her bring tears.  It felt like all she did was cry.

~song credit "Burn Out" by Ash

*sorry it took sooo long to get another chapter up (just been really busy with school and standardized tests) I hope the next one will be up faster but I don't know if I'll be able to (we r starting the big lab in chem! and taking some some more standardized tests!)

*Anways thanks to everyone that reviewed (definitely my heroes and inspiration!)

*Please be kind and rewind, no wait, I mean review!


	9. Dazed and Confused

**_Ties Together_**

**_Part 9~Dazed and Confused_**

**_Lucky Star_**

She was gone again.

He sat in the hanger staring at the place her beat up red-tail had been standing.  He was shocked that she could even fly it anymore.  He remembered finding it in a bad neighborhood of Mars, near the syndicate headquarters now that he thought about it.  He remembered the words "whore" and "slut" spray painted on the ship along with other similar words.  The body as well as the engine was pretty beaten up, too.  Jet, though, was a mechanical genius and had somehow fixed it enough to fly.  Faye said the words sprayed on the body didn't matter but he and Jet still spent a few hours trying to remove the heinous words but gave up when the hours became late.  He remembered walking past the hanger later in the night and seeing Faye sit there with a brush in her hand, a few tears streamed down her face.  She only said she didn't care, it really killed her inside.

What the hell was he doing here?  Why was all he could do sit there and stare at the empty place in the hanger?  What was holding him there?

"Where do you think she went?"  Jet's deep voice interrupted his introspection.

"Drinking, I guess.  It really doesn't matter to me," he shrugged his shoulders and pulled out a cigarette.  He really needed a smoke.

"Spike, it's really none of my business what goes on between you and Faye but don't ruin the only good thing in your life.  You might regret it later," Jet turned to walk out but Spike's voice stopped him.

Spike got up from his slouched position on the floor, "I don't know what you're talking about Jet.  There is nothing going on between me and Faye."

"Spike, I don't know what kind of idiot you take me for but it's obvious.  I mean I'm not blind.  I have noticed the way you don't look into her eyes anymore.  I do notice the silence that has taken over this ship.  And I'm not just talking about after you slept with her.  This has been going on for a while."

"Jet, just don't.  Things don't always seem like they are."

"Some things are just like they seem Spike," Jet glanced down before continuing, "And what about the bruises on her back, Spike."

"I didn't mean to, it just…it just happened" he lowered his gaze.  He himself wasn't satisfied with his half ass explanation for his actions, "I thought we already discussed this."  He put his hands in his pockets taking in a long needed breath of nicotine.

"You're lucky she was willing to take you after that Spike.  It takes a lot for a woman to be willing to let her pride go like that.  Trust me Spike; this stuff doesn't happen to everyone.  I guess she just really cares about you.  I don't want to see you miss out on a second chance Spike."

"Jet, seriously, it's not like that," he began to move towards the hallway but Jet's hand stopped him.  It was his real arm, not the steel one, that held him back.

"Just because you have a bad dream doesn't mean you stop dreaming Spike," Jet removed his hand from Spike's shoulder and allowed him to pass.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You'll figure it out sooner or later.  I'm hoping you figure it out before it's too late."

Spike shook his head and headed towards the large yellow couch and the television.

~

It was late as Spike continued to watch the static on the TV.  He couldn't remember how long he had been sitting there with his feet propped up on the coffee table and his tie loosely hanging around his neck but he knew it had been for too long.  He closed his eyes and allowed for a restless sleep to overtake his body.

~

_"You love me right Spike?"  Her voice was like music to his ears.  He had been dieing for her to say his name all night.  She sat now on top of him, her legs straddling his waist and she periodically went in for kisses from his thin lips._

_"I love you more than words can explain."  Her lips curved into a devilish smile as she began to leave a trail of kisses down his neck._

_"I know you do Spike."  He traced the outline of her body with the tips of his fingers.  She was softer than any silk or satin ever created.  He loved having her soft skin brush against his, it made him feel alive._

_He rolled over and now she lay under him.  Her golden locks spread across the pillow perfectly._

_"Let's run away Julia.  Far far away from here.  We can go somewhere where Vicious will never find us and we can be together without ever fearing anyone or anything.  We can hold hands and kiss in front of people and never fear what could happen.  We could be happy," his eyes were glazed over with a vision of what his life could be like if Julia agreed.  They could move to Venus or somewhere on Earth where the meteors didn't hit.  Anywhere but Mars._

_He blinked and the vision of his future disappeared and all he saw was Julia's almond shaped blue eyes panic._

_"We can't do that Spike.  I mean Vicious will catch us.  I know he will."_

_"No one can stop love, Julia.  I don't care if Vicious comes after us with an army of billions.  As long as we have each other we'll be safe."_

_She had moved from his embrace and sat on the side of the bed.  Her long lean legs hung off and her shoulders sagged.  She was holding something back.  Something wasn't right._

_"You do love me Julia.  Right?"  He got out of bed and stood in front of her.  She was so beautiful._

_There was confusion in her eyes and maybe fear but he couldn't tell._

_"You love me, right Julia?" still all he saw was confusion in her eyes, "Julia, please tell me you love me."  He sat on his knees and placed his hands on her shoulder.  She slowly shook her head.  His world was suddenly falling apart._

_"You don't love me?"  His voice quivered, as he felt a tear drop run down the side of his face.  _

_"I don't know Spike.  I just don't know," she paused for a moment and Spike would have given anything to hear her thoughts.  Instead her lips curved into that devilish smile once again and the words just flowed from her mouth, "I was just fooling you Spike.  Of course I feel it."  She kissed his lips again all the while her lips were in a mischievous grin._

_He put his head in her lap.  If she had said she didn't love him he would have died.  He was willing to die in her arms.  He almost wished she would just kill him so he wouldn't have to fear about their future, "Julia, I love you more than my life."_

_She ran her hands through his hair. "I know," she whispered hoarsely while lifting his head and kissing him passionately._

_Even then a little voice in the back of his head asked why she hadn't said the words I love you.  A voice in the back of his head told him that she really did love Vicious._

_"Julia, tell me you love me.  Just say the words," Spike looked up to find her eyes staring off into space and her finger tracing invincible circles on his chest._

_"It's late Spike.  Go to sleep."  She closed her eyes and laid her head down on the pillow and signaling Spike to lie next to her.  She rested her head on his chest and slowly drifted off.  Spike lay awake, he couldn't sleep, his mind was racing too fast with thoughts of Vicious, him, and his beloved Julia._

_**_

~

He woke up to Ed jumping on his stomach.

"Spike-person, where did Faye-Faye go?"

He pushed her aside and stood up putting a cigarette in his mouth.  All he did now was smoke.  That and have screwed up half baked dreams.  He took the cigarette out of his mouth and put it away.  Maybe it was the cigarettes that were causing him to have those dreams, the cigarettes were Faye's.

"I don't know where she is and my name is Spike not Spike-person."  He stood up and stretched his lanky arms.  He needed to get out.  He felt like he was a rat in a cage or something.  He needed some excitement; it had been a while since some big bounty had come along.

"Did Spike and Faye-persons get in a fight?"

He looked at the little orange haired monster that was sitting on the couch now.  "Why do you think me and Faye had a fight?"

He saw Ed's eyes wander the room before they quickly glanced into his and then towards the television.  "Ed-person heard Spike-person and Faye-Faye arguing through the wall.  Ed-person doesn't like it when Spike-person and Faye-Faye fight.  When Faye-Faye and Spike-person have a sleep over they are MUCH nicer to Ed.  Spike-person and Faye-Faye should have more sleep overs.  Plus Ed knows that Faye-Faye really likes Spike-person.  Does Spike-person really like Faye-Faye?"

Spike took a deep breath, sleep over.  So even Ed knew about his dealing**s** with Faye, no **dealing, it had only happened once.**

He sat down on the couch and placed his head in his hands.  How did he answer a question like that?  He didn't even know what was going on inside of him anymore so how was he supposed to explain it to Ed.  He closed his eyes and found his thoughts drift to Faye and Julia, the only women he had ever cared for in his life.

They were different, that much he knew.  Faye was someone you think you could live without but as the hours pass you realize she might have been the best thing that happened to you.  She would have been the best thing to ever happen to him but he had met Julia instead.  Julia was his life, not Faye.  People like Faye made you want to run but eventually you realize that you're running in a circle and you're going to find a way back in the end.  People like Julia; they were the ones who ran.  These people didn't run on tracks, they were free spirits and once they leave, all you can do is pray and hope that they are planning on coming back or you could spend you entire life waiting for them.  He was waiting for Julia to come running back.  That was why he couldn't go back to Faye.  Julia was coming back to him.  He knew it and yet he felt like he was running back to Faye right in that moment.

Spike sighed and finally decided to reply Ed's question, "Spike-person doesn't know if he really likes Faye-Faye or not right now."  He stood up and lightly hit his hand to his head, now he was talking in Ed.

"Faye-Faye has been really sad for a really long time.  Ed didn't like it when Faye-Faye was sad, it made her very scared.  Faye-Faye didn't even yell anymore when Ed went through her private drawer.  And then Faye-Faye began acting like she was Faye-Faye again, but Ed could see that Faye-Faye still wasn't Faye-Faye.  Ed could still see the sad in her eyes.  But when Spike-person is with Faye-Faye she isn't sad anymore, she is happy.  When Faye-Faye is with Spike-person she smiles.  Spike-person should be with Faye-Faye," and with that Ed hopped out the room to find her tomato leaving Spike standing in the middle of the room stunned at the depth of what Ed just said.

All of sudden things weren't black and white.  It wasn't as easy as 'I love Faye' or 'I love Julia.'  It was more now.  It wasn't just what made him happy; it was what made Faye happy too.  He sighed; he had never been so confused in his life.

****

**_~_**

_Been Dazed and Confused for so long it's not true.  
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.  
Lots of people talk and few of them know,   
soul of a woman was created below.   
  
You hurt and abuse tellin' all of your lies.   
Run around sweet baby, Lord how they hypnotize.   
Sweet little baby, I don't know where you've been.   
Gonna love you baby, here I come again.   
  
Every day I work so hard, bringin' home my hard earned pay   
Try to love you baby, but you push me away.   
Don't know where you're goin', only know just where you've been,   
Sweet little baby, I want you again.   
  
Been dazed and confused for so long, it's not true.   
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.   
Take it easy baby, let them say what they will.   
Will your tongue wag so much when I send you the bill?_

~

"Just sign on the line Faye and it will all be over.  I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know," he pointed to a thick slab of paper sitting on an unsteady desk in the middle of a rusted abandoned warehouse, "Your life is worth your past-isn't it?"

She stood close to the door, ready to run if anything happened.

"And if I sign then my debt will be gone, every penny?"

"That's correct; a debt collector will never come to your door again.  And you'll know where you come from, who you are.  You can finally belong," his lips curved and again he pointed to the papers.

"I can pay off my debt without your help," she turned to walk out but his voice stopped her.

"What about your memories?  Are they not worth it?"

She stopped and thought, "I will eventually regain my memories.  It'll just take some time.  I don't need your help."

"Is that right.  All of a sudden we have a backbone," he laughed and then continued, "And what about Spike? Hmm…are you not concerned for him?  I mean even after all he did to you, you still love him.  You love him more than your life, with all your heart, isn't that right?"

"How did you find that out?"  She glanced again at the door but turned her body to face the monster before her.

"Doesn't take a lot to make you talk now does it Miss Valentine?  You only had what three or four drinks that night and you could barley hold in all that you wanted to say.  Didn't your mother ever tell you not to talk to strangers?  Especially strangers that work for me.  Wait, you don't remember your mother, now do you?"  His lips curled again and his grin sent shivers down her spine.  She hated that look, the look of victory.  How could she have been so stupid, she should have known he would know where she was, what she was doing.

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, you see it seems that Spike is very naive.  He thinks he can hide in that ship and I don't know where he is.  He thinks he has successfully run away.  No one runs away from the syndicate," he stopped and took a step towards Faye, "You of all people know that.  And now all I'm doing is waiting for the right moment to remind Spike that I'm still here and that I'm still waiting for him."

"Stay away from Spike.  This is between me and you.  Don't bring him into this."

"That is where you are wrong.  It's all about Spike; everything I do is because of Spike.  Everything."

"And if I sign it?"  Her voice quivered as she thought of Vicious owning her life, her soul, her body.

"If you sign it, it's all over.  Spike took something of mine and now I take something of his.  It is that simple.  And I am such a good man I will erase your debt and give you your memories.  All you have to do is sign."  He took another step towards her and held out a pen.

Her mind was spinning; her life for Spike's was what it came down to.  That was what Vicious was offering.  She took the pen with a firm grip praying her hand would be steady enough to sign on the line.  She felt the tears fill her eyes as she signed the papers.  She couldn't cry, that would show weakness and she was anything but weak.

"You have 24 hours to get your things and return here.  And if you tell anyone about this, I will kill Spike and everyone else on that hell hole you call a ship," He picked up the papers and looked into her light green eyes, "It's almost fitting this way isn't it?  Spike did say that you belong with me and that is the way it will be, forever."

She stepped out the door and ran to her beat up red tail.  The words sprayed on the side were even more prominent in the dark light of the distant moon.  Or maybe she could only read them more easily because now they were true.

She climbed in and took off.  She didn't know where she was going but once she knew she wasn't being followed she parked and put her face in her hands.  The tears could be held no longer and ran down the sides of her face.

What had she done?  Maybe she was nothing but weak.  A strong person would have fought, and she ran.  She tilted her head back and closed her eyes trying to force the tears to stop but the word forever kept repeating in her head.

~

He kicked the punching bag again.  He found himself spending more and more time in the small workout area on the Bebop.  He took the back of his palm and wiped off the droplets of sweat that formed on his forehead.  He lifted his leg and quickly made contact with the bag again.

He stepped back holding his leg in agony and pain.  Working out usually cleared his mind but when Faye and Julia were the only things on his mind nothing could clear it.  Working out would become hazardous to his health if he kept injuring himself.

He leaned on the wall behind him and slowly slid to the floor.  He remembered being in the exact same position when he decided to leave Faye.  And now he was thinking of taking her back.

He was wrong.  He knew it, Faye knew it, Jet knew it, even Ed knew it.  His mind began to wander and as always it went to that which was important to him, Faye and Julia.

It was true that Faye and Julia were two totally different people, opposite ends of a compass, north and south.  He was the arrow always pointing north.  For almost all of his life Julia was north but not now.  Faye was north and Julia was south.  When the compass went from north to south the needle would quickly move back to north.  No matter how hard you try, the needle on the compass would always point north, never south.  He should have known this by now.  He had spun around so many times trying to point the needle south but instead it always went back to north, back to Faye.

Faye was simple yet complex.  You could look at her and think you know everything about her but there's another world she has inside, one she keeps hidden, one she fears will be found.  That world is beautiful, Faye was beautiful.

Faye was not Julia beautiful; she was beautiful in her own essence.  Julia came from money and it was visible in every aspect of her.  Faye was different, she didn't come from money or class but when she smiled, she glowed.  When Faye smiled she was the most beautiful women he had ever seen.  When Faye smiled he forgot about Julia.

He shook his head trying to rid the thoughts of Faye but they kept coming back.  He closed his eyes and he could feel her soft skin against his hands and he could smell the light scent of jasmine that always followed her around.  If he closed his eyes he could see her before him and he could feel her delicate lips graze his.

He remembered what Faye said, that Julia was only using him.  He sighed as he remembered that night from his dreams.  She never said the words, all she did was kiss his lips and drift off to sleep with her head on his chest.  He closed his eyes remembering his dream.  It wasn't just a dream.  It was real, it had all happened.  He remembered the next day Julia coming back to see him, that was when she told Spike she wanted to run away.  He remembered Julia's eyes were red and swollen like she had been crying for hours.  Maybe she had confronted Vicious about his many girlfriends, about Faye.  Maybe Vicious had said he wasn't willing to give it all up for her.  Maybe Julia realized that the next best thing to having Vicious all to herself was having his best friend.

He didn't like seeing Julia in such a light, but it could be true.  It made sense how she always left him as soon as Vicious called her cell.  It explained how she never said she loved him.  It explained how she always came to him upset.  It explained how she never dreamt of a future like his.  It explained everything.

He shook his head trying to rid himself of such thoughts.  He didn't want to believe it.  He didn't want to believe that the women he had spent the last three years idolizing was a fake, everything they shared false, a façade.  The belief on which he had founded his life on was gone.  There was nothing left except the ruins from his dreams.

He had known all along.  Deep down inside it was undeniable, nothing could hide the truth.  Maybe that was why he pushed Faye away, not because of his love for Julia but his fear of being used again.  His fear that Faye was using him like Julia did.  But Faye was different, that was what he had failed to see.

He sighed, he had spent so much time thinking about what he had lost he forgot to see what he had gained, Faye.  Jet's wisdom came back to him, 'because you have a bad dream doesn't mean you stop dreaming.'  Julia was his bad dream and he had finally woken up.  He was still alive, and Faye was the reason.  Faye had said those words, the words he was willing to die for when they came from Julia's mouth.  Faye was willing to do anything for his love, to know that she was in his heart.

She had her faults, that much was true.  But she had her heart, and she had her smile.  That was all he needed.  All he could do was pray that she was willing to take him back.

~song credit: Led Zeppelin

Sorry for the long wait but I've been really busy.  Hope everyone likes it.  Hopefully the next part will be out soon!  Thanks for reviewing!


	10. Only You

**_Ties Together_**

**_Part 10~Only You_**

**_Lucky Star_**

She stepped out of her ship, ready to collapse.  She didn't know how long she had sat in her ship crying, all she knew was she only had a few precious hours until her life was someone else's.

Her limbs were heavy from exhaustion.  She had never felt so drained of life.  Her lids and heart were heaviest of all, each one carrying a weight far greater than it could bear.  She leaned against the Redtail, her feet refused to move.  She was stuck.  She didn't know if it was a mental or physical roadblock.  Maybe both.

Somehow she found some strength to move.  She made her way to the kitchen; she couldn't remember the last time she had eaten.  All she could do was pray Spike was already asleep.

She opened the refrigerator and peered in.  Nothing, as usual.  She sighed and felt the tears form.  She wouldn't even have a last meal.

The thought entered her mind again; her life wasn't even her's anymore.  She felt her chest tremble and her legs begin to feel weak, from hunger or fear, she was unsure.

She had lost all will to live but that wasn't enough for death to come and take her.  Death would never come and take her because she was Vicious'.  She understood what Spike felt, this emptiness that nothing could ever fill, no matter how hard one tried.

She entered the TV room and sat on the crude yellow couch, and once again she felt the tears begin to run down her cheeks.  A fate worse than death awaited her.  She had made mistakes in her life, that much was evident, but did she deserve what she was going to receive?

"When did you get back?"  Spike's voice interrupted her jumbled thoughts and forced her to think about leaving the place she had come to call home.

"I'm leaving," her voice was shaky and shallow.  She quickly ran her hands through her hair and restated her proclamation, this time with more conviction, "I'm leaving Spike, for good."

'Make it fast, it hurts less that way,' a sugary woman's voice flashed her head, her mother's voice as she pulled off a bandage covering her knee.  She was always falling and hurting herself.

He stared at her.  He was directly in front of her; how he got there she wasn't sure.  She looked lost, like a child lost in a crowd, or someone who has lost their way.  She looked scared, she looked tired.

"No you're not," his voice was smooth and simple, like her life before the accident.  She saw him take out a cigarette and light it up, how could this all be so easy for him?  A simple no was supposed to change her mind.

She wiped her tears and stood up.  This wasn't a fight Spike could win, the results were rigged, there was no changing it.

"I don't care what you say Spike.  I'm leaving.  I just came to get my things.  Then I'm out of your life."

She sidestepped him and tried to make it to her room but instead felt Spike grab her wrist as she walked away.

"It does matter what I say.  And I say that you stay," he took a drag of his cigarette and looked up at her, "It isn't just what you want, or what I want, it's what WE want.  And I know you don't want to leave."

"Just let me go Spike.  It's over, and I'm leaving, forever."

She was facing him now and he had let go of her wrist.  They just stared into each other's eyes for a few moments.

He dropped the cigarette and crushed it with his boot before slowly stepping towards her.  She backed away.  She couldn't handle all this, it was too much.

"Don't do this Spike.  Just let me leave."  But he didn't listen to her pleas and continued taking small steps towards her, never breaking his gaze into her dull green eyes.

She was lost again, in his eyes.

She felt her back make contact with the cold steel wall and realized she had no where left to go except Spike's arms.

He had gently pinned her against the wall, willing to release her if she asked but such a request never left her mouth.  He rested his forehead on her shoulder and felt her arms encircle his neck and her head upon them.  He could feel the tears soak into his shirt.

"Spike, I can't.  I'm too tired to go through it all again.  I'll die," her voice was thin and frail.

"I promise its over.  I'm never going to hurt you again.  I swear.  It'll be different.  No more games, no more sneaking around, no more lies, no more hate.  Just you and me."

She felt a pain in her chest.  It hurt so much she thought she was going to die, "It's too late Spike.  I'm leaving."  How she found the strength to say those words she didn't know but saying them only caused the pain inside to grow.

"It's never too late for love Faye.  Never."  He gently kissed her neck and continued, "I love you.  It took me long enough to figure it out, but I do.  You're the only one I have ever truly loved with all my heart.  The only one."

She lifted her head from his shoulder and kissed his lips.  A final chance at love.

He tasted like cigarettes.  He tasted like happiness.

"I feel like I've been alive for centuries, Spike.  Like I'm going to collapse any minute and never get up.  I'm just, I'm just so tired.  I just want to sleep."  He nodded and led her to his room where they lay down together in hopes of sleep.

_~_

_~We suffer everyday, what is it for  
These crimes of illusion, are fooling us all  
And now I am weary and I feel like I do  
~It's only you, who can tell me apart  
And it's only you, who can turn my wooden heart  
~The size of our fight, it's just a dream  
We've crushed everything I can see, in this morning selfishly  
How we've failed and I feel like I do  
~It's only you, who can tell me apart  
And it's only you, who can turn my wooden heart  
~Now that we've chosen to take all we can  
This shade of autumn, a stale bitter end  
Years of frustration lay down side by side_

_~And it's only you, who can tell me apart  
And it's only you, who can turn my wooden heart  
~It's only you, who can tell me apart  
And it's only you, who can turn my wooden heart_

~

Faye's mind was spinning faster than light, as one thought entered, another departed, and another entered.

All she wanted to think about was Spike, about how his arms held her safely, about how she was the only women he had loved, about how he was the only man she was willing to die for.  The only one for each other, just like Julia and Spike before.  And this love story too had a tragic ending.

She could feel his breathing even out and his heart beats fall into a rhythmic patter like his breath.  He was asleep.

"I've always dreamed of this Spike, even before my accident.  Before I became this Faye, I knew that somewhere there was someone waiting for me.  Even in the other time I felt like I didn't belong, like something was missing, that was you.  I don't remember much Spike, just some flashes of happy moments surrounded by family who loved me but I know you were what I was waiting for, what I was looking for.  You were the hope in my eyes, the happiness.  I know that this was all meant to be, I was meant to meet you, to fall in love with you, and then," her voice had been a whisper, and now she held back tears trying to continue, "Spike, just hearing those words come from your lips, can last me another fifty years.  That's all I ever wanted, needed.  Those three words and I can die happy."  She moved a small piece of his hair off his forehead and gave him a small kiss, "All I will ever need."  She laid her head down on his chest and listened to his heart slowly falling asleep…

_Song Credit: Portishead_

Wow…that update only took like three months! Anyways, hope everyone enjoyed the newest installment (sorry it's talking so long, it's getting harder to conclude the story…but don't worry, I'll figure it out) other good news: schools out! This hopefully means that I can update more often (as long as I have some inspiration *cough*  *reviews*  *cough*)

Thanks for reviewing!

-sorry it's short too


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